3 Months ago, I was lying on a shit-covered sidewalk, with a freshly broken rib (courtesy of the sidewalks of the rue d'Antibe), all the while getting soaked in an otherworldly, almost Biblical downpour of rain in Cannes. At that exact moment, I came to the realization that this trip wasn't starting out on the right direction. Little did I know how prophetic that would be.
Anyway, As I lay arms & legs akimbo in the pouring rain, which now was creating a more perfect mix of liquified dog shit (if that's at all possible), I also noticed that I was sprawled out front of the hottest lingerie shops if not just France, then the entire Free World. The Mannequins in the windows were unbelievably lifelike, and physically? As they say in France "Versez s'il vous plaît de la bière et cheese sur les chaussures de Mon Ami".
Nevertheless, through my blinding pain, I decided to take a bunch of pictures of the super-hot, incredibly lifelike mannequins, knowing that my friends at home would never believe what what lifelike pornography they put in storefronts in France, unless I had photographic proof. So I did. Separated only by 1/2" of plate glass, I was face to face with Selma Hayek, and whoiswhatshername from Transformers wearing the most illicit, illegal lingerie ever conceived by a sane person.
So imagine what the young lady thought who was pushing an infant in a baby carriage, and dragging a toddler by the hand, when she walked around the corner onto the rue d'Antibes, only to come face-to face with a soaking wet, shit covered, lurching-like-Quasimodo protecting a broken rib, tourist standing there, taking photos of incredibly hot, almost naked, incredibly lifelike Mannequins in a Lingerie store on his cell phone in the pouring rain.
I think now, that it's not a big mystery why the French hate tourists.
Anyway, As I lay arms & legs akimbo in the pouring rain, which now was creating a more perfect mix of liquified dog shit (if that's at all possible), I also noticed that I was sprawled out front of the hottest lingerie shops if not just France, then the entire Free World. The Mannequins in the windows were unbelievably lifelike, and physically? As they say in France "Versez s'il vous plaît de la bière et cheese sur les chaussures de Mon Ami".
Nevertheless, through my blinding pain, I decided to take a bunch of pictures of the super-hot, incredibly lifelike mannequins, knowing that my friends at home would never believe what what lifelike pornography they put in storefronts in France, unless I had photographic proof. So I did. Separated only by 1/2" of plate glass, I was face to face with Selma Hayek, and whoiswhatshername from Transformers wearing the most illicit, illegal lingerie ever conceived by a sane person.
So imagine what the young lady thought who was pushing an infant in a baby carriage, and dragging a toddler by the hand, when she walked around the corner onto the rue d'Antibes, only to come face-to face with a soaking wet, shit covered, lurching-like-Quasimodo protecting a broken rib, tourist standing there, taking photos of incredibly hot, almost naked, incredibly lifelike Mannequins in a Lingerie store on his cell phone in the pouring rain.
I think now, that it's not a big mystery why the French hate tourists.
