Just Breathe

Saturday night, It was nothing more than a niggling somewhere in the back of my mind that something wasn't right. I should have recognized the warnings then, but of course I didn't.

Sunday morning, I got up and had a nice breakfast for one at this place on Denman St. It was sunny, warm, and beautiful, and I was really digging my 3rd day off in a row. I came back home, and as soon as I walked in the door it started. I couldn't breathe. Just like that. One minute I was fine, and the next, I couldn't get enough air in me, no matter how hard I tried. Was it a blood clot? I thought back to the pulmonary embolism silliness of a year ago (and with my ever so helpful doctor's words ringing in my ears "You're susceptible now. This could re-occur at any time, so be vigilant...". Gee, Thanks Doc - Most appreciated for the now-ongoing paranoia). I paced around my living room a little, because remembering what happened last year, and how I felt walking across the room would be a good indicator if I needed to get some urgent medical care or not... after minute it dawned on me.

I was having an anxiety attack. Again.

So the rest of the afternoon was spent hanging out, and doing nothing to exacerbate the situation. Hours later, it finally waned, but having these episodes really knocks the wind out of you (no pun intended). So I stayed up late, drank some scotch, and watched the Big Lebowski, and listened to the new Pearl Jam album. (I figure that to right the ship, one might as well watch the funniest movie ever made, and listen to a darn good record - so I did just that).

Today, was another beautiful day. But I woke up with that feeling still hanging over my head / poking at the back of my mind, and thought to get out, go for a walk, and hopefully the exercise would do some good. It did. I walked down to the beach, sat there for a little while, watched a crane drop off some sculptures of what appears to be gigantic football players on the beach, no doubt another famous piece of Vancouver performance art, following the success of the gigantic Upside Down Church that got shuffled city to city, because no-one wanted it. (It went from NYC, to Stanford, to Vancouver, and we just pawned it off on Calgary. Suckers.)

I went to this little place right at the beach, and sat in front of an open window, had a beer and a sandwich and stared out at the blue sky and green ocean. Anxiety attack # 2 had been swirling around all morning, and I think my time out in the daylight helped. I had left my phone at home on purpose, so I was unreachable via phone, email text, or carrier pigeon from my office, or by anyone for that matter. It was just me, my Ipod, and a sunny day watching the palm trees sway in the ocean breezes.

Speaking of Pearl Jam, I've been listening to their new record "Backspacer" a lot -and I really am digging it. It actually is an up, happy record for them, and although it only clocks in at something like 37 minutes long, there are a couple of real gems on the album. One of which is below; the gentle, (and aptly titled) "Just Breathe".