Save Me A Saturday Night

Sab's lovely wife grudgingly consented to grant him is annual 24 hour pass to escape their dark lair and breath the intoxicating scent of freedom - the sweet, sweet smell of my apartment actually - free of any and all boiling demon children, or yard-work related activities. Like Tim Robbins, he was free & clear and leave the burbs, come over to my place, drink too much and sleep on my couch (all without crawling through 800 yards of sewers). So we hooked up with Gino and nerded out at the noon IMAX of Batman. After which, we found a patio in Yaletown, and commenced drinking, then went back to Gino's place for a BBQ, and more drinking.

With another yearly successful night of freedom under our belts, a little after midnight we called a cab to get back home, and our driver was rocketing down the backstreets. Only about 4 blocks away from Gino's place a cyclist approaching us from the other direction yelled out "SLOW DOWN" at our cabbie - and not more than 10 seconds after that? We screamed through an unpatrolled intersection and our car collided with two cyclists who were coming down the hill. One guy bounced off the car and was ok, but the girl though totally broke her arm, and possibly her leg. We were in the back seat, I was passenger side, Sab was behind the driver. I was looking the other way, and didn't realize what had happened until the collision where I heard this huge *thud* and looked over to see a flailing body, and the odd vision of a riderless bicycle slamming into Sab's passenger window.

We jumped out of the car, and while I was calling 911, a bunch of people in the surrounding apartments had heard the commotion, and God bless 'em, a few of them came running out with blankets, water, and one guy even had his St. John's Ambulance First Aid (I have it as well - but as we'd been having some cocktails earlier and buddy appeared to have it under control - I just hovered around and pretended to be the pro-temp executive director of the accident scene). Within a few minutes, an ambulance and two firetrucks showed up and picked up the wounded, and got them off to the hospital. When the ambo was leaving the police showed up and Sab and I gave our statements. the female cop who interviewed me was also disturbingly hot - and after telling her that we had seen Batman, she got all warm and tingly, and stroked my arm, and purred into my ear that she missed seeing movies like the Lord of the Rings. I quickly sprang into action; offered her my phone number, astrological sign, and told her that I'd also been a very, very bad boy and needed to be handcuffed. Stat.

All this time though, I need to mention that our Cab Driver remained in the car. The guy & girl had slammed into his (and Sab's) door, and after which, she was in shock, and in a sitting position leaning against the cabbie's door. He just sat there with his window rolled down a crack and didn't say a word. Now, that he was heavily bearded and turbaned has nothing to do with it, but he didn't do a goddamned thing. I was shocked. Even more so when the police showed up and weren't going to charge him - they said he could continue on our trip. I asked if we were getting a free ride after all of this - and he said no. Then the hot policewoman asked if he was going to turn off the Meter, he also replied in the negative. I couldn't believe it. He was driving waaaay too fast, hits two cyclists, 40 minutes later he is free to leave and wouldn't even turn off the meter after all of that! Sab & I told him to fuck off, and called another cab.

The hot policewoman had also called a cab for us on their radio-thingy, then left. (She no doubt has just been biding her time to call me ever since - that Minx). So we waited. And waited. And waited. I called the cab company, and told them that we were the ones in Car # 83 that had hit cyclists, and could you send someone to pick us up?? They said "Sure - on the way". Then we waited. And waited, and waited. A little while later, in an eerily prescient voice over circa Black Hawk Down, Sab said "I don't think they're coming Dude". I agreed and called the cab company again, and told them that we were the ones in Car # 83 that had hit cyclists, and could you please send someone to pick us up?? They then replied that there was no record of the accident, or my previous phone call. So we would have to wait like everyone else. It was quite surreal, just the two of us were all that remained after the circus had packed up. The helpful bystanders were snug in their beds, the injured girl was safely in hospital, the fire trucks and ambulance were no doubt out helping other people, the hot policewoman (who, obviously smitten with my charm and planning to conviently pull me over at a later time), was probably out hitting on other men already, our speed-racer cabbie was free to continue his quest for the world land-speed record, and the two of us were stranded in Fairview Slopes, alone, bemused, drunk, and more than a little vexed.

We finally got back to my place, and immediately grabbed a couple of bottles of wine and headed directly to the beach. After sitting on a bench by the ocean for a time, Sab looked over at me and said "It's lucky that it was only two bikes that piled into us and not a car - that would have been really, really bad". I vociferously agreed, then sprang into action by quickly opening the other bottle, and we spent the rest of the night talking about small stuff, smoking cigars and watched the city lights reflected in the flat-as-glass ocean until the sky started to lighten.