After a long day at work, I got home a little before 9:00 PM wanting to do nothing but drink a glass of something, eat a plate of something, and just sit and be alone with my thoughts. "No computer, no blogging, no extraneous thinking" I commanded myself. Myself actually listened, and indeed I successfully had a few glasses of wine, and a very delightful dinner of a tiny lamb loin accompanied by some grilled asparagus with lemon, and a couple of baked baby potatoes marinated in olive oil and some delightful peppers & spices.
I've been getting introspective of late, and obviously there's been a lot on my mind. Work has been becoming an issue for sure. I love it, but at the same time, I really, REALLY fucking hate it. We are sleeping in separate beds at the moment. Sadly, it's not if, but more appropriately when the eventual hallway sex* will happen.
At this very moment, my heavily tattooed, impossibly good looking next door neighbor (and all around nice guy, that Bastid) Shawn, is currently fucking the brains out of his newest hot waitress girlfriend. How do I know this? Because my kitchen wall adjoins his bedroom wall, and by the sounds of it, his girlfriend is either getting the rogering of her young, 26-ish year old life, or is he's doing something Dahmer-esque). But my Money's on the former, not the latter.
** Update** she is indeed getting what could only be surmised as fuck of the decade, I know this because our windows are all open (it's a nice night here in Vancouver), and to go along with the girl's crazy orgasmic screaming, there is a woman living underneath us on the 3rd floor who has leaned her head out the window and hollered "Shut Upppppppp!" at the top of her lungs, at least twice in the last 5 minutes. I should add that I also feel somewhat unclean, and suddenly feel the need to take a ritual purification bath. God knows what I'm going to say the next time I run into him in the elevator:
"Hey Shawn, I couldn't help but hear that you were doing some brick laying last night...",
Or:
"Hey Shawn, I know that I fall asleep in front of the TV sometimes, and I hope the noise hasn't bothered you while you are fucking your girlfriend as she was screaming her head off".
Or:
"Hey Shawn, you must have been boiling at least three lemurs alive judging by the sounds coming through my wall last night. Do you have a permit to keep exotic animals?"
Or:
"Hey Shawn, does your girlfriend have any friends? Sisters? Pets?"
Regardless, I'll figure something out by tomorrow, or else I'm taking the stairs for the next week or so.
The above picture is a bunch of room keys from the fabulously scuzzy Hotel Carmel, taken during an amazing few nights I spent with an amazing person while in Santa Monica last November. I'm sure there were some annoyed neighbors as well. But hey - it's California - and they probably just turned up the volume on the TV's or stood against the wall with their ears pressed to a drinking glass. However they might have been put out? It was SO worth it. If you don't believe me? Just ask my neighbor, Shawn.
*Hallway sex: "When we were dating we used to fuck on the hood of the car. When we were engaged, we used to fuck on the kitchen table. After we got married? She'd pass by me in the hallway and say "Fuck you".
On an unrelated note - it looks like Barak Obama just won the Stanley Cup or something.
You've been a great audience. I'll be here all week. Don't go changing.
I've been getting introspective of late, and obviously there's been a lot on my mind. Work has been becoming an issue for sure. I love it, but at the same time, I really, REALLY fucking hate it. We are sleeping in separate beds at the moment. Sadly, it's not if, but more appropriately when the eventual hallway sex* will happen.
At this very moment, my heavily tattooed, impossibly good looking next door neighbor (and all around nice guy, that Bastid) Shawn, is currently fucking the brains out of his newest hot waitress girlfriend. How do I know this? Because my kitchen wall adjoins his bedroom wall, and by the sounds of it, his girlfriend is either getting the rogering of her young, 26-ish year old life, or is he's doing something Dahmer-esque). But my Money's on the former, not the latter.
** Update** she is indeed getting what could only be surmised as fuck of the decade, I know this because our windows are all open (it's a nice night here in Vancouver), and to go along with the girl's crazy orgasmic screaming, there is a woman living underneath us on the 3rd floor who has leaned her head out the window and hollered "Shut Upppppppp!" at the top of her lungs, at least twice in the last 5 minutes. I should add that I also feel somewhat unclean, and suddenly feel the need to take a ritual purification bath. God knows what I'm going to say the next time I run into him in the elevator:
"Hey Shawn, I couldn't help but hear that you were doing some brick laying last night...",
Or:
"Hey Shawn, I know that I fall asleep in front of the TV sometimes, and I hope the noise hasn't bothered you while you are fucking your girlfriend as she was screaming her head off".
Or:
"Hey Shawn, you must have been boiling at least three lemurs alive judging by the sounds coming through my wall last night. Do you have a permit to keep exotic animals?"
Or:
"Hey Shawn, does your girlfriend have any friends? Sisters? Pets?"
Regardless, I'll figure something out by tomorrow, or else I'm taking the stairs for the next week or so.
The above picture is a bunch of room keys from the fabulously scuzzy Hotel Carmel, taken during an amazing few nights I spent with an amazing person while in Santa Monica last November. I'm sure there were some annoyed neighbors as well. But hey - it's California - and they probably just turned up the volume on the TV's or stood against the wall with their ears pressed to a drinking glass. However they might have been put out? It was SO worth it. If you don't believe me? Just ask my neighbor, Shawn.
*Hallway sex: "When we were dating we used to fuck on the hood of the car. When we were engaged, we used to fuck on the kitchen table. After we got married? She'd pass by me in the hallway and say "Fuck you".
On an unrelated note - it looks like Barak Obama just won the Stanley Cup or something.
You've been a great audience. I'll be here all week. Don't go changing.
2 comments:
I missed dinner again...
S
I stumbled upon your website and loved the definition of Hallway Sex.
=)
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